


Euphoric sadness

by chilichickenwrapmonster4lyf



Category: Super Junior, Super Junior-M
Genre: Alternate Universe - Guardian Angels, Devils, Donghae is trying to help, Everyone Needs A Hug, Henry is suffering, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Multi, References to Depression, Suggestive Themes, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, zhoumi sucks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-30
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-18 16:41:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15490203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chilichickenwrapmonster4lyf/pseuds/chilichickenwrapmonster4lyf
Summary: 'Silence, he could feel it consume him, how does the one person he loves the most makes him feel so empty, so shameful.'Living in his own Hell, Henry is trapped. Tortured by the creature that lives in his mind, it isn't long before everything he loves shatters into nothing. He loves Donghae, but does Donghae loves someone else? The Devil and Donghae sit heavy on his shoulders. They both whisper in his ears. Which one will he pick?





	Euphoric sadness

**Author's Note:**

> This story is based on Bring me the Horizon's, 'Doomed'. I decided to try incorporate both personal and fictional elements to this, so please enjoy. As warned, this does contain slight depictions of self-harm, suicide and self-loathing, so please read at own risk if this triggers you. A depicted Devil is also mentioned so if this disturbs you, don't read.  
> Oh and did I mention, it's a bit GAYYYYYYY.

“Fuck” a loud mummer heard within the soft echoes of silence.  
He cut too deep, blood like ribbon dancing down his thighs, he cups the dribbles of blood, attempting to hold this dirty secret in his hands “shitshitshit” Henry cries, flustered from the mess he’s made. Urgently, he looks around the room, nothing but a bed, clothes and a few open boxes lie about soft carpet. Surrounded by four dark walls, filtered by a cold light. "Come on, come on" Henry whines, voice rising with reason. Finally, with shaking pupils, he identifies a box of tissues under his bed. ‘Why...’ Henry mentally questions, well starts to question before the sudden realization.

 

~~~After trying for what felt like the hundredth time, to well, you know… out pure frustration Henry threw the box at the wall before slamming his head back against the pillow, to sleep away the embarrassment? The next time Henry witnessed the box, memories flooded his vision. Still Henry just stared, stared at the same box that had rested on his chest as he cried, that sat lonely against the wall witnessing Henry fall apart, kicked under a mattress. Given a duty to not just cover up tears, but bloodstains.~~~~

Awkwardly Henry shuffled close enough to grab the tissues before desperately placing them where his hands had been. Shocked, Henry froze when he heard knocking at his door. ‘Jesus, of all the fucking times.’  
“Henry-ah?” Donghae shouted cutely, Henry would have appreciated this if he wasn’t half bleeding to death. The elder attempted to open the door but it wouldn’t budge, ‘Locked. Great.’  
“Henry, it’s Donghae!” He reassured, resting his forehead on the door, hands still on the knob.  
“uh yes?... what!?” That came out a bit harsher than expected.  
“I just... hey, you okay? What are you doing?” ‘Just tell me.’  
Henry hesitated, ‘Should I? No. This is my problem, not his Henry. YOURS.’  
“Nothing just, argh…fuck me” ...  
“I mean sure, but you’re going have to open the door first.”  
Henry scoffed, smiling to himself despite the uncomfortable situation he was in, that’s Donghae for you. Stumbling towards an empty brown box, the younger shoved the tissues in before pulling up his pants, praying there won’t be any stains. Taking a deep breath, a flustered Henry quickly brushed away his fringe, attempting to come off as though he didn’t just have an internal and physical battle with a box of tissues.

Yeah, that failed.

 

“Christ, Henry, you look like shit.” Donghae remarked, quite honestly, doing a once over on the other’s decomposing state. Henry had opened the door with such urgency he knew for sure Donghae would be unconvinced. Instead, the taller of the two ignored this, guessing Henry was actually busy with something. “What the hell do you do when this door is locked?” Donghae asked half-jokingly, half concerned. “I- “Henry panicked, however interrupted by an embarrassed looking Donghae, “Actually you know what, I don’t want to know.”  
He nodded, ‘Thank fuck.’  
Still, something in Donghae’s eyes told otherwise. ‘I want to tell you, I do, just please don’t worry about me.’ Silence, he could feel it consume him, how does the one person he loves the most makes him feel so empty, so shameful.  
“Henry-ah.”  
“Henry.”  
“HENRY.”  
Abruptly, someone’s face came to focus. Donghae’s. The younger’s cheeks were suddenly kissed by blossoms, and it became apparent how self-conscious this whole moment was making him. Although the elder couldn’t relate, actually he was feeling quite flattered.  
“You going to stare at my face all day or…” Donghae teased, knowing too well how tormenting his words were. “Fuck off.” Henry shoves back playfully but especially rough. The couple, in a frenzy of offensive remarks and non-heated shoves exited the golden hallway, before lazily thudding down soft blue stairs, now guided by soft conversation.  
“You serious?” Henry accused mid step, “You really had to bother me just to get some food?”  
Donghae snickered at this conclusion, although he couldn’t say the same for Henry who was looking quite irritated.  
“Ah Henry, are you really going to blame me for wanting to eat with my favourite dongsaeng Hmmm?” Donghae added, face all up in Henry’s, not that the other minded.  
“Shut up, you just don’t want to eat alone.”  
“No- ok you’re right.” Donghae admitted in defeat. “But seriously, you actually are one of my favourites.”  
“Wow, one of your favorite, I’m honored.” Each word dripping of pure sarcasm. Was it enough to mask the hint of pink crawling up Henry’s neck and ears. ‘Oh God’ When did Donghae get this close? He could practically taste his breath…  
‘Nope.’  
Henry practically jumped, running the rest of the five steps, hearing Donghae laughing in the distance, following close behind. That laugh, that fucking amazing laugh could always distract him from the pain. Even for a few minutes, Henry would be in bliss. Nothing would hurt.  
Together again, both boys entered the kitchen only to be exposed with a face full of Siwon, tearing apart their fridge.  
“There’s nothing to eat in this fucking house!”  
The two boys sighed heavily whilst exchanging a knowing glance.  
“I’ll get my keys.”

 

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

A couple hours before… (Henry POV)

“Evening cutie.”

He’s back.

“So,” He starts, emphasising the ‘o’, “What is it today, hmmm? You fuck up again? Forgot your steps? Sang the wrong line?” I clench my fists as he mocks me in defeating evil. Rolling over, leaving my back to his face. I hear him depart from his seat by the window, to come closer to me. Footsteps loud yet silent once he reaches my bed. The mattress sinks under his weight and I am helpless, left in a fatal position as he slithers his way on top of me. My eyelids are shaded darker by his shadow, my ears tickled by his breath, “Or…”

‘Goawaygoawaygoaway’

“Did the little crush of yours finally admit he doesn’t want you? Huh?” He breathlessly laughs. I pull my eyes open, to see that manic smile. He’s dressed up today. I shift my eyes to see streams of black silk suit, accompanied by a velvet tie no darker then the red eyes roaming around me. I look up to see his red daggers heading right towards mine. ‘No.’ I quickly shut them.

Never make eye contact with a Devil.

“Leave me alone” I plead with clenched teeth. My voice is shaky, when will I never be afraid?

“Leave me alone.” He childishly mocks, now laid beside me, looking as comfortable as someone in a stranger’s bed. He lips return to my ears, this time I can feel his cold slender fingers lean on my shoulder as his rich black hair scratches against my brow. “You’re no fun.”

‘click’

“Ah!” I gasp. Before I know it, I’m sitting in the middle of my dark room. I look over to the bed but I’m only given empty sheets. I can’t see him, he’s too quick. I urgently look around, bringing my knees to my chest, I can’t hear a thing. “Pathetic really.” The words come out of thin air, I desperately look over to the noise. It’s too dark. I don’t know anymore. “yoo-hoo, I’m over here...” I turn suddenly to the voice, he’s gone again. The hair on the back of my neck stiffens as cool air brushes against my back.

“Behind you…”

“NO” I jump, crawling weakly until my back hits a corner. “no, leavemealoneleavemealone...” It comes out in a long whine, I’m crying now.

“Tsk, tsk. How many times do we do this, and you still end up a pitiful little mess. Let’s see, Zhou mi-a thousand, Henry...zero.” With that he pulls at my legs until I’m dragged center stage. Let the show begin.

Zhoumi pulls at my hair, bruises and scratches my skin. Morbid words flying at me like acid. I’m hurt. I’m humiliated.

‘Useless, a waste of space, stupid, ugly, a fool, dumb, failure’ It just keeps lining up on every inch of my body. I’m wreaked. A crying piece of nothing on the ground. But no-one can hear me, they can’t help me. The doctors can’t cure me. I should just...

“DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE” Zhoumi screams in my ear. I can feel blood trickle down my tortured body. ‘Please, stop.’ Alarms ring in my head, I can’t take it. Desperately I reach out to find my blade. Slightly lowering my pants, I slice down my thighs. Everything stills, then it stops.

“Till next time buddy.” Zhoumi’s eyes pierced brightly in the darkness, as he strides off fixing his tie, his body moving with importance, pride, hands full with bits of my soul. Leaving behind the broken ones. ‘ow’ I look down to my stinging, heavily bleeding cut. Feeling vulnerable I look up again quickly. He’s gone.

‘So much for a guardian angel.’

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know about you guys, but Siwon is a BIG mood.  
> Thank you for reading, I am still thinking whether or not to continue, I guess it depends if you guys enjoy and want more or totally regret reading this. Please feel free to leave a comment below, I would love to hear some criticism or just if you enjoyed it or not.


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